Even if I didn’t want a commitment, I was still looking for romance.

Photo by Katerina Holmes.

Back when I first left my ex-husband, I went on a sexual journey to reclaim myself. I wanted to fuck my way through my city, if you will. Why did I want this?

Was it revenge? I can understand why anyone would think that. I was coming out of a ten-year-long marriage where my husband had cheated on me with multiple women.

A psychologist might say I was also fearful of commitment. I was too afraid of getting hurt again to make myself vulnerable with any new man.

But that wasn’t the case. Sure, my ex-husband had hurt me but…

Shame and a lack of understanding about sexual submission make it hard for men to accept their fetishes.

Photo by Oswald El-saboath.

Submissive men have it rough. They are aroused by dominant women in a world that prizes female submission. Men with alpha characteristics are sought after. Women want men who seem powerful.

Women don’t necessarily want a “submissive” guy. They especially don’t want a man who is submissive in the bedroom. Any perceived weakness in men is looked down on. The shame surrounding submission is only exacerbated because this sexual preference is so misunderstood.

Fetish disgusts many people. Most can’t understand why a man might get off acting like a dog, being urinated on, or having his testicles tortured. Many fetishes…

I had certain tools in my sexual toolbox. It didn’t hurt I’d also worked through my own sex issues.

Photo by inna mikitas from Pexels

When I met my current partner, it was love at first sight. He walked into our appointed meeting place — a dive bar — and we locked eyes. That was it, we were in love.

You’d think our story ended there. We lived happily ever after without any problems. The sex was great, period.

It was — at least mostly it was.

There was one issue. My boyfriend was having trouble becoming erect. When he did get an erection, he had trouble staying that way.

What was the problem?

He’d recently come out of a twenty-five-year-long marriage that bordered on…

The desire to have relationships is human nature and is not impacted by how many sexual partners you’ve had.

Photo by Timofey Urov.

Have you ever met someone who’s had sex with a lot of people? Like a lot of people. Do you ever wonder if this makes them incapable of committing to just one person?

If you would have asked me this question when I was younger and much less sexually experienced, I’d had told you yes. I believed all the stereotypes surrounding “promiscuous” people. They didn’t value themselves. They didn’t know how to make good choices. They certainly weren’t interested in a commitment. They probably weren’t even able to have one.

I wouldn’t have been able to give you data to…

The timeframe a woman chooses to have sex with a man in has no bearing on her worth as a human being.

Photo by Henry Muljadi from Pexels

“Usually women don’t let me have sex with them this soon,” Alex said to me, shaking his head as if he regretted the orgasm I’d just given him. I certainly didn’t regret the climax I’d just had with him. What was his problem?

Sure, we’d just met. We were on our first date. Well, if you could call meeting up for coffee and then jumping into bed “a date.” There was no dinner, no movie — but Alex was cute and I was horny. We ended up back at his place.

We’d had sex consensually. Now we were lying naked…

Just because a woman “gives sex away easily” doesn’t mean she’s not discerning about whom she gives her heart to.

Photo by inna mikitas from Pexels

Back in the days before Craigslist got rid of its Casual Encounters section, I met a man there. His name was Lee and he was both very handsome as well as extremely direct about the fact he wasn’t looking for a relationship. All he wanted from a meeting was to give a woman pleasure. I jumped at the opportunity.

I wanted pleasure and I wasn’t interested in anything serious. Well, at least not with Lee.

I was physically attracted to him but I already sensed we weren’t a match for the long term. …

Maybe she was great in bed because she’d had all that practice with other guys.

Photo by inna mikitas from Pexels

I was in a Clubhouse room the other day when a man spoke up to say he’d broken up with a woman he really liked because she’d had sex with too many other men. His name was Michael and his now ex-girlfriend had slept with sixty other guys. The sex was great but her high number of previous sexual partners made him too uncomfortable to continue on in the relationship.

Michael’s comment astounded me. I chimed in to say that maybe he’d enjoyed the sex so much with this woman exactly because she’d had practice with so many other men…

I’m an adult. I’ve had the right to explore my sexuality.

Photo by ivan from Pexels

It’s a matter of time before my eldest son finds out I’ve done sex work. He was talking about looking up his father’s LinkedIn profile the other day while we were at the grocery store. As I bagged apples, he said, “I want to look up your LinkedIn, too.”

I sighed, put the bag of apples in our cart, and pushed on through produce.

What else could I do? I’d always known this day was coming. I’d been dreading it for years. …

I know which one I’d rather be, even if it means being misunderstood by most.

Photo by cottonbro

I liked Sonny. No, he didn’t work in the sex industry as I did. He also wasn’t typically attending parties frequented by people with alternative sexualities. I was going to so many of these parties that what most people considered “alternative” no longer felt alternative to me. It just felt normal.

I felt normal as a sexually alternative individual. I was comfortable walking around nude at these parties, amidst people who were freely engaging in BDSM play, swinging, cuckolding, whatever.

But Sonny had never been to one of these events. We met at a regular old bar, over a glass…

But I also celebrate my own new beginning.

Me with a mask on, before revealing my face to my readers.

“What do you write about?” Julie asked me. My boyfriend and I were entertaining her and her husband, Dave, at his new place. My boyfriend had recently purchased a condo in a building known for its common areas that promote socializing with your neighbors. Often feeling isolated in our modern lives in a sprawling city like Los Angeles, we welcomed this move as an opportunity to meet new people.

And we’d done just that. We’d met Julie and Dave at the pool. Dave was an architect and Julie worked in film. They enjoyed visiting art galleries, just like we did…

Mysterious Witt

Advocate for sexual freedom. Retired adult worker. B.A. from UCLA. MFA. Become a Medium member to read ALL my work: https://mysteriouswitt.medium.com/membership

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